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  #91  
Old 06-12-2019, 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Swellin View Post
I finally told my wife of 18 years at the time..now 20 years, that I am no longer going to sit idly by during these times of drought. I'm getting laid. She can either be part of it, or see it on the credit card..her choice. That worked for 2 weeks. Then it was back to the same old shit. No sex drive...ever. 25 years I've been with her, and sex drive is something other people have.
Dude, that is just sad. IMHO, if you've made it clear that you expect to have a reasonable amount of sex and they're not willing to even try to reciprocate or find a solution, it's grounds for leaving or looking for someone else. Obviously you have a choice to accept the situation if you think they're worth it, but what does it say about them if they're not even willing to try? It says "he's not worth it." I'm not one to recommend infidelity but if you give the warnings, there's some justification there. Sometimes marriages need to be stirred with a wakeup call. It might backfire but what's the alternative?
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  #92  
Old 06-12-2019, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Dakota View Post
Wow reading these is completely depressing and I am going to kiss my wife when she walks through the door tonight. She is a gem.

I am blessed to have a woman with a fairly high sex drive but even so she has pledged she will never say no unless she is sick, in pain or the like. There have been times when I see her totally stressed out then I let it ride. But she has even told me to go for it then, that it is great stress relief once you get into it.

My wife and I are Christian though. We are instructed never to deny each other. We just don't. There have been times when I come home from a long long day thrashed, stress, pissed off and I can see she has had a glass of wind and is thinking sex. It those cases the table is turned. I just want to turn on the NHL channel and veg, but instead I have to say "let me jump in the shower and I will see you in the sack" and I have to take care of her business too.

I look at it like anything else in life. Do you not do things you don't feel like doing? What would happen if you didn't go to the gym each time you really didn't feel like it? Didn't feel like going into work? Didn't feel like doing a home repair? We MUST do things we don't feel like doing. It is called being an adult.

I heard a Pastor once talk on the subject of a women denying her husband. He phrased it like this. The woman is a pitcher of water. The man has taken a vow to drink from no other pitcher except hers. To be life long faithful. Now you tell your wife you are thirsty. Is she to say "No, I am not giving you a drink" or "not right now" or "I will give you a drink later, when I feel like it" I thought it was a good analogy.
We are not religious but this is pretty much our mentality. Rarely will my wife say no but I also know when she isn't in the mood at all. She has two not horny moods. 1 is she can be put in the mood and the other is please don't touch me mood. She has a lot of back issues and is in constant pain so this effects things but she is usually ok with being put in the mood. Like last night she knew I was getting twitchy cause we didn't have sex Monday so she got naked and said can you give me a massage. Loosen up her back and get her relaxed and she is ready.

The hormone issue sucks. Like Glyco said we can identify to a degree but still not the same. We are only 42 so it hasn't hit us yet. Just for periods after the boys were born it took her some time to get back to normal. She would get very frustrated cause she said she felt numb. I am on TRT and she wants something to help as she ages so she can keep up. I just don't know where to send her when the time comes
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  #93  
Old 06-12-2019, 02:10 PM
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There are other complications as women age too... wifey and I have had it great for 30years... now, if we do she's busted up for a week... thinning of the walls do to hormonal imbalance...

we've discussed it but she's dead set against supplementation in this area... I think I've done my last hen run... the difference in our drives was WAYYYY noticable
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  #94  
Old 06-12-2019, 02:34 PM
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Please don't take this as a criticism of your wife but why would anyone forego treatment that work to improve you life? They are not high risk. Hormone replacement for women is common and well studied.
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  #95  
Old 06-12-2019, 03:30 PM
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Ohhhh... your preaching to the choir here... all I can say is that she sees whats happening as a natural progression of life and it's just the way of things.... Everytime I bring it up she gets hotter about defending her position... she says "im 58 this is what's supposed to happen"....
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Old 06-12-2019, 04:29 PM
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mistress is the answer!
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  #97  
Old 06-12-2019, 04:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pen Sillman View Post
Dude, that is just sad. IMHO, if you've made it clear that you expect to have a reasonable amount of sex and they're not willing to even try to reciprocate or find a solution, it's grounds for leaving or looking for someone else. Obviously you have a choice to accept the situation if you think they're worth it, but what does it say about them if they're not even willing to try? It says "he's not worth it." I'm not one to recommend infidelity but if you give the warnings, there's some justification there. Sometimes marriages need to be stirred with a wakeup call. It might backfire but what's the alternative?
Yep, and it took me 24 years to figure that shit out. She cries and acts better for a little while, but she thinks sex is a disease or something I guess. She's tried hormones, but no luck. Test gel...no luck. Awesome human being, not so awesome as a companion.
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  #98  
Old 06-12-2019, 06:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Swellin View Post
Yep, and it took me 24 years to figure that shit out. She cries and acts better for a little while, but she thinks sex is a disease or something I guess. She's tried hormones, but no luck. Test gel...no luck. Awesome human being, not so awesome as a companion.
Honest moment exposed...


Brother .... I feel you. I have spent years in almost the exact same situation. My wife and I divorced in 2009 and reconciled in '13. When we did, I told here that I WOULD NOT be doing that shit again. I told her that I would not do it again. Of course she made promises and we talked and compromised and she does try. She really does.. But, we haven't kissed on the lips in years.. when I go to hug her, she usually blades her body to the side and does this half arm hug thing. When we do have sex, it is no foreplay and hurry the .... up missionary shit.... forget anything else.

But.... I love her. I wish things were different but here is what I know... She is the best mother to my children. I couldn't have designed a better mother and teacher for my children. And honestly, she is my best friend. Aside from that one thing, sex..... my relationship is golden.

I cheat.. I think she knows and we just don't discuss it but I travel a lot. I'm gone for 2 months sometimes and it is what it is. Tugging only gets you so far. I aint proud of it but I aint ashamed either.

To me, this is the compromise that I have to do right now to provide a stable place for my kids. They are the most important part of the equation. I would walk through a thousand hells to make sure they are ok.

When she and I were single, I dated a ton of chicks, none of them were good for my kids.. She is the one I want to build the rest of my life with. But when I am on the road, I have needs. I am not trying to give advice but I am saying that living a miserable life is a choice and I choose the parts that matter most to me. She is a good mother, a loving and caring partner who has a very low sex drive. I look at it like I would diabetes. Its her genetics, and I really don't think she can help it and she does try and I swear to Christ if she would only hug me, just kiss me and have some passion ..... My life would be sublime.

I'm saying this to say this...... You choose what you want and what's important. At the end of every sexual escapade, I always tell them to leave. I can't stand the conversations of a person I barely know. If my wife divorced me again, I would support her 100% and totally take the blame..

Some people see the sun and say, "Goddamn it sure is hot".... some people see the sun and say, "Goddamn that is beautiful.." You choose brother.. I did.


~PM
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Last edited by A1food4u; 06-13-2019 at 12:24 PM.
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  #99  
Old 06-12-2019, 09:54 PM
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That was WELL said Para and kinda sad too. It's a real shitty thing to have happen and it is what it is. I used to be real strict in terms of what to do or not do in a marriage but my views have changed. It would be nice if everything could be verbally "approved" ahead of time in a marriage. But sometimes women just can't get the words out of their mouths or confront the situation directly. My ex told me while drinking once "I don't give a shit what you do with other women, I just don't want to know about it." A lot of marriages have done well with certain arrangements. But good that you also realize that getting caught could be a dealbreaker. In your shoes, I'd do the same. F***ing and giving your heart to another are two very different things.
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Old 06-13-2019, 10:00 AM
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well after reading your comments and a few american mags, I will not complaints ever again!
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