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  #1  
Old 03-13-2021, 07:42 PM
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Jipped's first real kiss

Here is a story of my first kiss. I was 11 and my GF 12. We were in church together and went to the same school. This happened in the early 80s so things were different. No internet and information was far harder to obtain. (So don;' judge me young bloods, the struggle was real. Internet porn? NOPE, JC Penny bra catalog and if you get lucky native boobies in a National Geographic magazine.)

My parents told me sexual contact would get a girl preggo so "DO NOT HAVE SEX! Then they gave one of those Christian books on sex that explained sex but not really. It was very ambiguous and there were no pictures, only illustrations and no nudity. Of course I just looked at the pics and the last illustration of a man on top of a woman kissing...in a bed...under the sheets. So I put 2 and 2 together. Sex is kissing on the lips when your fronts were in close proximity. This can make a girl pregnant. (To this day I still do not read the owner's manual on stuff I buy)

So I was really scared when the gal I was going with, (Jr. High) Jan Morris asked me if I wanted to kiss her in a secluded corner of the skate rink. Of course I did want to kiss her...but my folks would kill me if I got her pregnant. Every time she held my hand sitting on the bench at the skate rink with our legs touching something strange happened to my lil pickle. It grew, well "grew" is an exaggeration. I was a late bloomer and I had not one hair on my balls and I was sporting a low average sized Johnson. Hey it grew a little more when I hit puberty. Ask Para, he has seen it.

Back to the story, enough with my penis talk. So She asked me if I wanted to kiss her. I cannot remember the song that was playing but I bet it was something like Billy Squire, The stroke.

I said "NO WAY! You can get pregnant."

She laughed thinking I was joking then realized I was totally ignorant and she explained in great detail how a woman gets pregnant. (Oh my little vienna sausage was hard enough to scratch bullet proof glass while she told me about erections and vaginas and....Whew...getting a little heavy thinking about it.)

If I had just read the book this would have been a much less embarrassing experience because she told her friend...in confidence who told her friend and so on, and so on. The whole school knew. My boys busted my chops constantly until... well that is another story.

Hey I was an incredibly sheltered southern Baptist preacher's kid and was so naÔve. Jan helped me overcome my fear. I CRUSHED 1st base with her that summer day and eventually 2nd WOOHOO! First gal to touch me in my "no no square". God bless you Jan, who knows where I would be now without you.
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Old 03-14-2021, 09:40 AM
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Haha.

It is funny how we grow up sheltered and become what we are. I am now one of those people finds offense as hilarious. The more offensive the more hilarious. It is almost impossible to make me uncomfortable. I can thank the Marine Corps.
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Old 03-14-2021, 10:56 AM
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Haha.

It is funny how we grow up sheltered and become what we are. I am now one of those people finds offense as hilarious. The more offensive the more hilarious. It is almost impossible to make me uncomfortable. I can thank the Marine Corps.
Me too bro. My parents would not let me see PG movies and I lived at the church. When other kids were out playing at 7:00 pm on a Saturday eve, we were having devotional time and reading the bible.

No shit, my mom told my sister when she got married to go to the library and get a book on sex. She said that that is what she did and found out there was not just 1 sexual position there were five. My dad patted me on the back and said "You will figure it out." I did not tell him that I practiced every time I got a chance with any gal willing.

Parents would drop me off to see a G rated movie like the Apple Dumpling Gang and we sneaked into Outlaw Josey Wales!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I became creative in my moral degradation.


Anthony Jeselink is one of my fav comedians.



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Old 03-14-2021, 03:08 PM
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I made it a point for my kids to grow up so that they do not get a culture shock when they run into people like us.
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Old 03-19-2021, 08:00 PM
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Jenny was the name of our neighborhood girl that taught us young boys of adulthood. She was about 4-5 years older than me and my friends and kinda on the cute side at the time. Stereotypical girl from out of town that just moved in. She was like one of the guys but also showed us a good time individually on the side. Early 80ís by the way.
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Old 03-20-2021, 08:11 AM
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My first kiss was my step sister. Only it was a few months before she became my step sister.
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Old 03-21-2021, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by jipped genes View Post
Ask Para, he has seen it.


Actually, I've held it in my hand and let him rub it on my taint..... I got big hands so... it wasn't actually fair and the taint thing.... he didn't last long is all I can say..





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