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Old 03-22-2014, 11:57 PM
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Nasty sex terms

BARGOYLE: The hideous old hair-spray hag who seems to live at your local watering hole. She usually smokes endlessly, spends hundreds of dollars a night on video-poker, and makes sexually threatening comments to frightened college freshmen.

PASTEURIZE: Once you get her hairy bush pasteurize, you got it licked!

BEERELEVANT: A point which does not seem to be particularly important, given enough beer

MANGRY: Describing the anger of women who are angry at men, specifically. "She's such a bitch, she's just plain mangry".

CLITOURIST: A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed. ie: "Because of his fouled foreplay, Suzy realised that her new boyfriend was no experienced bedroom traveler, but merely a clitourist".

STUF....ING: The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in hopes of getting it up. Potential causes: you're too drunk or she's too ugly.

ANTLERS: Wide, flat, flapjack titties that come to a sharp point at the nipples.

THE KANGMIN: While a girl is reciting bad poetry, you take her from behind.

THE FLAMING AMAZON: This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when you're about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz.

THE SCREWNICORN: When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

SPLIT PISSONALITY: When you're taking a leak and you get two streams out of the one hole!

A SHORT IN THE CORD: A 'code' phrase used by the common man to refer to Testicular Tendon Tangle Syndrome. Ex. "Oh ....! My nuts are killing me... I think I've got a short in the cord".

OLD JISM TRAIL: The stream of semen oozing down the chin and chest of someone who has just finished fellating a senior citizen.

ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

LYMPH: To walk with a lisp.

ANAL BOOT: An anal boot is when you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.

AUSTRALIAN DEATH GRIP: The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.

FUMILINGUS: When a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his/her face.

INTOXICOURSE: Having sexual intercourse whilst piss-drunk.

VALSALVA: The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.

INSTA-GASM: Pre-mature ejaculation at the sight of a beautiful woman. ie: "She was so fine, I had an insta-gasm before I could get her clothes off!"

MANUAL DECONSTIPATION: This is where you get out the hand cream and go in manually for the hammerhead by breaking it into smaller chunks and pulling it out a piece at a time.

POST POODUM SYNDROME: The feeling of depression felt after successful removal of a hammerhead. The excitement has passed, and you must now find something else to occupy your time.

THE HOMOLIC MANEUVER: Using your penis to dislodge an object blocking a choking victim's windpipe.

PEGGING: Having a female take you in the rear with a strap on.

THE UNDERDOG: After a hard session at the gym, your armpit muscle begins to twitch; thus giving you the ability to jerk a guy off with your armpit muscle.

THE TWINKLER: when you are 69ing a girl and you shove your dick into mouth hard, and you watch her a-hole "twinkle" as she gags.

ANGRY DRAGON: This involves the girl giving the guy head and as he is about to cum slapping the girl on the back of the head causing the cum to come out her nose. Great care should be used to not slap her mouth shut.

TONY DANZA: A takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head.

ALASKAN FIRE DRAGON: another good take off is one of the Angry Dragon - when a girl is giving you a blowjob, cum in her mouth unexpectedly and plug up her mouth at the same time. Then whisper in her ear "I have syphilis" so she spews it out her nose.

THE WALRUS: When she's giving you a blowjob and u cum in her mouth unexpectedly, cover up her mouth and punch her in the stomach.

THE FAT LIP: If you get poison ivy and finger a girl, her labia lips will swell. A la, the fat lip.

SLEEPING BAG: If you're going down on a really fat girl, you pull her enormous stomach roll of fat over your head.

HUMMER BIRD: when a girl is giving a guy a hummer, and he's enjoying it, she bites on his bird.

BLOODY MARY: When a drunk guy is going down on a girl and without even realising it after he's done, he realises Mary was very bloody.

THE HOUDINI: This manoeuvre is accomplished while going at it doggy style. As you feel you are about to cum, you pull out and spit on the small of her back (making her think you've finished...). It's at the point when she turns around when *BAM!* You bust your load in her face (in the eye if you've got proper aiming techniques down.) Also known as the the David Copperfield.

UPPERDECKING: This one takes practice. It requires a toilet with a tank above it, like the ones in most homes. Instead of crapping in the bowl, you shit in the tank (i.e. upper decking). Now don't flush. When the following victim flushes, the rancid waste fills the bowl. If you play your cards right, it may ferment

JOURNEY INTO DARKNESS: This is the most disturbing of all. It entails shitting into another person's asshole. Not for beginners.

ROCKY BALBOA: Don't shower for 2 weeks, then diarrhoea down her throat at any point during sexual contact.

ROCKY BALBOA TITLE PUNCH: Same as the Rocky Balboa, but in that non-showering 2 weeks all you eat is corn.

UNCLE JEMIMA: The typical dirty chef at your local Denny's or other low-class food establishment who occasionally becomes disgruntled, and takes out his frustration on your meal, via 'the ass wipe" or the 'French Toast Strut' seen in Road Trip.

AIRTIGHT: This is where a girl has a cock in each of her three holes, hence, airtight.

THE THRONE OF LIGHTNING: This is done by ....ing a girl while you shit in a toilet. When you're going to blow your load, turn her over and dunk her head in the toilet, while she's bobbing for your turd plummet a river of semen in her ass. Not to be confused with "Ride the Lightning" a Metallica album.

ABE LINCOLN: You're getting a girl up the ass and give her a swift donkey punch to the back of her head, knocking her unconscious. You then turn her around and jerk off and blow your load all over her face. Then you shave her beaver and take the clippings and spread it where you jizzed on her, making a beard that looks like good ol Honest Abe's.

THANKSGIVING: Just like the holiday, Thanksgiving is when you do a girl and then she puts her two big butt cheeks on your face like holiday hams. An overcooked thanksgiving is similar to this but instead of just putting the cheeks on your head she farts on it too.

PEUM: An acronym coined by a group of drunk assholes that defines the annoying (and uncontrollable) tendency to piss in multiple directions after a raucous ....: Post-Ejaculatory Urinary Misfire.


THE BEVERLY HILLS WHIFFER: This move is restricted to those women who think they're God's gift to the world. Find a woman of the above description. Take her home and start doggie styling her. When you're about to blow, corkscrew two fingers into her ass, scraping as much shit as you can from her. Pull out your fingers, reach around her head to stick one finger in each nostril. Pull her head back so she can see you while you yell "So, you think your shit don't stink now?!"

SHANGHAI SHAMPOO: .... a chick until you've built up a load large enough to paint a room. Blow it all in her hair, rub it in thoroughly. When it dries it will resemble the crunchy noodles often served with chop suey.

FROSTING THE CAKE: When you are about to cum, blow a load all over her chest. Then take your dick and evenly spread the jism around the breasts and over the nipples. Then stick some candles on it and start singing "Happy Birthday".

SPICEY STANLEY: When a girl takes hot sauce and pours it on your cock. She then proceeds to give you a blowjob, making sure all of the hot sauce is gone.

THE BRODIERUPTION: while a girl is speaking loe genitalese to you, right before you shoot soul sauce down her gullet, rip ass right in her face, á la brodie and renee, in mallrats.

TOBOGGAN: When you attack from behind on your partner, push them and then ride them down the stairs like a toboggan sled.

SNOWBALL: This is after your partner gives you head and then when you cum in her mouth she attempts to make out with you.

DIRTY SNOWBALL: This is of the original snowball but instead of her trying to make out with you, she makes out with someone else.(This gives you negative points in a Sex point scale Game)

GOLF: This is when you are eating out a girl and then grab her pubic hair and yank it and yell "FORE"

MILKING THE COW: Have sex with a girl with a rubber on, then afterwards pull the rubber off ever so carefully so that all of your specimens are in the bottom then while laying down after sex hold it upside down over her face and use the condom while pretend your milking cow udders.

THE PIRATE MAKER: When you're sitting on a girls face and she's sucking on your nuts, you start poking her in the eye with your cock.

SPANISH INQUISITION: This is kind of like the Snowmobile. While ....ing a woman in the ass, grab her arms and bring them up behind her, arching her back. Then yell "Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition". For some variation, add a donkey punch.

THE VOLCANO: Blow your load on someone's ass crack. Then wait for them to fart and cause the cum to spurt out.

CORN FLAKES: This requires a really dirty partner. When you're about to cum, shoot it in her ear. If she's dirty enough, she'll have plenty of ear wax. Hopefully, the ear wax will float atop the semen. With the correct coloration, her ear will look like a bowl of milk and cereal.

ALI: When give a guy a hummer, start punching his nutsack as if it were a punching bag.

THE LLOYD BRIDGES: When she's giving the head job and you're just about to blow, twitch and yell "Who is it?" She will look around. Blow in her ear. She will look confused, and will jerk her head repeatedly to one side, just like Lloyd Bridges did to get the seawater out of his ear in Sea Hunt. (For those too young to remember, he was a crime-busting scuba diver).

THE TRIPLE CROWN OF SEX: In the yapper, the snapper and the crapper all in the same session.

WWF STYLE: With any luck she will proceed to expel "Angry Dragon" style as well because of the impact. Important note: make sure your dick is not in her mouth anymore when you tombstone her

SHANGHAI STIRFRY: When a girl gives you a blowjob, pukes all over your cock and keeps going.

A HOT CARL: When you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning.

THE HALMSTAD HOOK: This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowls to your mouth the product that has been created is now known as "Swedish Cheese". The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.

GIVE A CAT A BATH: The act of trying to insert your testicle into a girls asshole, this is very hard to do, hence "give a cat a bath".

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S: The act of eating a soft-boiled egg from your girl's pussy.

KAREN CARPENTER: ....ing a chick in the ass while she vomits.

THE MUSHROOM TATTOO (aka MUSHROOM WELT/PRINT): When a chick's going down on you, you pull it out, pull it back and whip her in the forehead with it... thus... mushroom tattoo.

SQUEEGEE: When you're ....ing a girl in the ass and are about to cum, you stick a pin in one of her ass cheeks, thus making her clench up and cleaning all the shit off your cock as you pull out at the same time.

**** TRUMPET: While down on a chick, place your lips solidly over her love hole and blow, watch her stomach rise as she fills with air. Then, with a firm hand push down on her stomach to let all the air out like the beautiful sound of a trumpet.

RODEO ....: When you are doing your girl doggystyle, bend over and whisper in her ear "You're almost as good a lay as your sister". Then try to hold on for 8 seconds.

SEAL THE ENVELOPE: When hooking up with a really drunk girl and she passes out before you cum, turn her over and blow your load all over her ass crack. When it drys, it will seal her butt cheeks together and she will have to pry them open the next day: hence, sealing the envelope

THE SHOCKER (aka THE ALIEN): Two in the Pink and one in the stink.

LOUISVILLE SLUGGER: Your girl is on her knees in front of you servicing your pole. At some random point in time during this act you pull out, twist your hips, yell "BATTER UP!!!!" and smack her firmly in the cheek with your baseball bat like cock.

WET JESSY: Sneak into a girls bedrooms while she's sleeping and jack off on her.

PEARL HARBOR: Right after sucking a guy off stand up and spit his jizz right back in his face, then yell "Tora, Tora, Tora!"

THE GARDENER: When you are doing a girl from behind, you pause and yank the hairs (weeds) from her asshole, then you proceed to "sow your seed" by cumming on her anus.

THE WHEELBARROW: Man and woman are going at it doggystyle on the floor, then the man grabs the woman's legs and stands up, leaving the woman's arms on the ground, and starts running around the room, continuing to bang away...
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Old 03-23-2014, 12:19 AM
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I've heard many of these and there are many more.

You can keep all that scat play and bukkake stuff...that's hard limits here.
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Old 03-23-2014, 08:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaleoChick View Post
I've heard many of these and there are many more.

You can keep all that scat play and bukkake stuff...that's hard limits here.

Prude!!!!!!!!


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Old 03-23-2014, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twistdenigma View Post
Prude!!!!!!!!


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Hah...if someone's shit is being a prude? Yes, yes I am. Plus, if I want a facial? I know where to go
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Old 03-23-2014, 03:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaleoChick View Post
Hah...if someone's shit is being a prude? Yes, yes I am. Plus, if I want a facial? I know where to go

My house?


I don't think I could actually do that. If I tried any of this list with my wife she'd staple my dick to my forehead and shove a flaming pineapple up my ass.




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Old 03-23-2014, 03:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twistdenigma View Post
My house?


I don't think I could actually do that. If I tried any of this list with my wife she'd staple my dick to my forehead and shove a flaming pineapple up my ass.




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Pictures please......
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Old 03-23-2014, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twistdenigma View Post
My house?


I don't think I could actually do that. If I tried any of this list with my wife she'd staple my dick to my forehead and shove a flaming pineapple up my ass.




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That's hot.


The pineapple that is.
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Old 03-23-2014, 09:16 PM
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I'd help her!
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