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  #1  
Old 11-10-2018, 04:51 PM
Sumatai Sumatai Is online now
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Divorce etc

Well, this will be my 2nd, first was my fault, this one, pure ambush. She pulled some crazy crap taking my kids and running back home (7hrs away) while I was at work while she attempted to get a restraining order (no grounds, failed) about 10 years ago. She came to her senses and the dust settled. Oddly enough Badham got on me about it back then and told me even if the dust settled she would eventually do it or something similar again. RIP Bad, and once again, you were right Bossman.

This time, she threatened divorce a year ago if I didn't move the family back to her home town so she could be near her family (again 7 hrs away). The kicker is, it would mean me having to leave behind my 2 grown daughters from my first marriage. I'm sure if Bad we're still around he would have smacked me upside the head and said i told you so, now divorce her and DO NOT give in to her ultimatum. Oh well. Here I am now a year later, we've spent a year in the new town establishing residency with my 2 younger children.. and from what I understand, that means I have no grounds to force a move back to our original town if I tried.

So basically, she got me to make the move, played nice for a year, and then like clockwork, dropped the D bomb. Unfortunately I am not independently wealthy (but she will be as shes sitting on a fairly large inheritance from her dad that passed recently). Kept it in her mothers name and said nothing to me about it, obviously to shield it. So long story short, my immediate future is going to suck... HARD.

Silver lining, I "think" the arrangements will be amicable, I don't think shes going to attempt antyhing crazy like full custody or anything like that, so it will just be a matter of moderating the logistics. No real assets to divide, no support arrangement will be needed.

If anyone has any random input or advice, feel free, while I sit here and watch my cortisol levels rise.
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  #2  
Old 11-10-2018, 05:15 PM
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I would suggest joint custody and split everything down the middle when it comes to the children like extra activities such as sports, school supplies extra medical bills that insurance doesn't cover. The thing you need to think about and you may already have worked out is health insurance for the kids. Who is covering it, you or her? I also moved several years after my divorce. My ex agreed to drive half way so we could continue to show our kids we could make it work. In my case, I covered my kids under my plan and used it as negotiations to help offset the splitting other extra cost. It worked out great for my ex and I. We had joint custody, split all cost. She would send an itemized list of school supplied and I wrote a check. Flip side, when I remarried both my kids were still young, 9 and 5. My wife would take them shopping and insist not asking for a dime of money back from my ex. Both my ex and current wife relationship is fine and it has nothing to do with spite but more to do with my wife not able to have children of her own. My kids are her "bonus kids" as she calls them and has always treated them as her own. They are 27 and 23 now. I share all of this simply to say, it can work. Don't be spiteful even though you may be going through heartache, I did and found someone who is much compatible for me. Good Luck
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  #3  
Old 11-10-2018, 05:48 PM
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Damn Sumatai, if anyone can relate it's going to be me. Your story is like an instant replay of mine. Wife just had to get out of Utah, so I gave up a decent house and moved her to Washington State and 2 years later she dropped the bomb on me, just like you. AND... She was hiding money from me too. All part of her grand f***ing master plan. Evil bitch.

I got a lot of good advice from our board back then and ESPECIALLY from Badham (rest in peace bro). I listened but didn't heed all of it.

My advice? Protect your interests as best you can while also doing everything you can to keep things amicable. If things get ugly, the only people that win in that scenario is the lawyers. Resist the urge to tell her what a piece of shit she is, keep all contact to text messages and avoid all subject matter except for money issues, kids, and divorce stuff. Plenty of time AFTER the divorce to let her know what a conniving, evil, faithless whore she is.

Now a word or two of hope. There are plenty of women still out there for sex and companionship. More than you can handle at once. I was really worried about that especially becuz I've only ever had 2 relationships with women. I didn't date for 3 years after splitting up because I wanted nothing to do with women. Within a month or two of dating again I've had sex with 3 different women. And trust me when I say I'm no GQ magazine model.

The ONLY thing worse than not being in a relationship is being in a relationship with the WRONG person. That doesn't mean it won't hurt still, but I try to keep looking forward, not backward and I think it has helped me get over quicker.

Last but not least, NUDES! Soon as I get access to my old laptop I'm going to post all the nekked pics I have. Lol. It's a juvenile somewhat low thing to do but F**k it. It'll be therapy for me. Just don't post them all over the internet. There's laws against that.

PM me anytime you feel like you need someone to commiserate with, I'm your guy! Lol
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  #4  
Old 11-10-2018, 06:25 PM
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Lol, deja vu Pen, besides Bad, I also went back and forth with you a few times on this many moons ago. As always I appreciate the input, and to echo Troop, yeah, while my head is spinning, I will not be doing anything spiteful or otherwise negative to compromise myself. I "think" things should go somewhat smoothly in the agreement phase, but at this point, I can't trust her as far as I could throw her and wouldn't put anything past her. I'm seriously waiting for the next hammer to drop.

On the other topic, some of my other friends in the same arena have said dating apps are the way to go when its time, Jesus Christ I'm 25 years out of the game and I'm going to have to learn the app scene? Great.
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Old 11-10-2018, 08:44 PM
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Yeah brother... Lol, I remember those days well.

Sleep with one eye open... You never know what kind of shit she might pull. The reason I say text instead of talking is that you're less apt to open your yapper and say something to .... shit up. If she's anything like my ex, she might try to goad you into an argument in person or over the phone. A lot of women, especially my ex PURPOSELY try to goad you into arguments. Why? Because if they get you to lose your cool then they can ease their conscience and "prove" to themselves and others that you are the bad guy raving lunatic. It relieves their guilt over the shit they're doing to you. Seen it time and time again.

Dude, best thing about this day and age is those dating apps. Don't even worry about it. I was into a 34 year marriage. I put up my profile and within a day I had 20 some odd women "like" my profile and pressed the I want to meet button. You may want to pay for a subscription so you can see who's looking at you. If you've got a physique, it's a huge plus... Just don't be posting competition pics or flexing in the mirror....lol. They don't like it if you're being blatant about it. Not saying online dating is the only way to go... or the best way...but your fears of being alone forever will melt away. I don't even message women. I just sit back and wait for them to text me first. Don't send them nudes of your dick... Most women hate that shit. When they contact you, after a few messages back and forth, just throw out a "hey, lets meet for coffee or drinks sometime." Voila. Easy peasy.
A lot of them don't want to spend 2 weeks messaging back and forth (pen pals) ... They would rather get it over and meet. The game begins. Be prepared to spend money on dating. I'd keep first dates to drinks only. Why bust out 100 bucks for dinner for someone you may never see again? From what I see so far, most of my dates have expected to go dutch. Anyway, I did a lot of dates the first month or two. I had more offers than I could handle in a week. I actually got tired of it... Lol.

Oh, one final piece of advice. DO NOT let your wife know you're dating! Not unless you want to bring down hellfire and the wrath of God. I don't care what she says or indicates. Most women go f***g ballistic with jealousy and anger when they see or hear about "their" man with other women. Even if she hates your guts its still likely to piss her off. Keep dating and other women to yourself. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose if she finds out.

Welcome to the Jungle bro! You're not alone! Lol. There ARE some pluses that go along with this shit. No more nagging and bitching in my ear. No need to provide someone constant entertainment. Freedom to come and go as you please. Great motivated workouts. Unlimited porn... Lol. You would think I'd have less money after splitting up. Wrong! Even AFTER cutting her a check I have more money in my pocket than ever before. That's cause my wife nickle and dimed and knick knacked us to death. It's true I have less money coming in now but I have TOTAL ....ing control over my money.

Drop me a line anytime!

Pen
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Old 11-10-2018, 08:50 PM
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I wouldn't be apposed to apps. It's just hard being from an older generation to grab ahold of that stuff. I'm the type that after making a contact would want to at a minimum meet in person to see who I've been talking to over the network after a couple of positive conversations.
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Old 11-10-2018, 09:13 PM
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Troop, I'm 59 and haven't found it hard at all. I get women as old as 65 messaging me and as young as 41. 41 is 18 years younger than me! Not that I'd necessarily want someone that young for long term.

I think it comes down to where you live, what app you use. If you just want to get started, I'd try Plenty Of Fish. HUGE number of people on POF. There's all kinds of stigmas associated with each app. You hear people say all the time "Tinder is just a hookup for sex app." "Plenty of Fish is a low quality meat market." "If you want a long term relationship, use Match.com" ...blah blah blah. Those are just stereotypes that probably don't hold water for every area or city. Basically the same women are going to be on one or more of the apps, just try to find the app most used in your area. Or sign up for 2 or 3 or more apps and try them out. I've done Tinder, Ok Cupid, and plenty of fish, don't notice any difference in the quality of women, see some of the same women on multiple sites. Most all of the sites are owned by the same company, the apps just have different interfaces. Each site has its own pluses/minuses.

Just a few of my personal observations.

Pen
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  #8  
Old 11-10-2018, 10:49 PM
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I might add that I'm on my second and final marriage. No more for me from here on out. I've had a great woman for the past 18 years but who knows what the future holds!
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Old 11-11-2018, 10:05 AM
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Sorry brother. I have not been through it but have been close and just that sucked.I wish you the best.
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Old 11-11-2018, 11:02 AM
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It's weird, my head says i'm ok and will weather the storm, but my body is responding as if a grizzly is standing 5 feet from me. Can't catch my breath at times. Just find it weird that it's not happening in my brain, but my body is obviously trying to tell me, "think what you want.. you're screwed buddy".
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