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  #1  
Old 09-12-2017, 09:52 PM
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Don't talk on a phone if

you are at a restaurant and there are people all around you.

it was about 3pm, there were 3 customers including me in a ramen joint near my work.

This guy was yapping about I.T. stuff and $100,000 worth of servers he was buying blah blah blah. Talking real loud so he sounded important and eating his food while he talked. He was facing the wall and his voice just echoed all over. I looked at the guy at the table next to me and he cocked his head toward I.T. guy and shook his head disapprovingly. I nodded to agree.

i was done eating just sitting waiting for the check.

My wife called me. Normally I would not answer in an eatery but I did. She told me crap about our remodel and for some reason I said fairly loudly "NO, I have Porche, Sugar and Jade on the main stage early so they are ready for a private show for that shift for a reason. They are my best. I paid for Jade's abortion, Sugar's kid needed braces and I paid for them. and Porche's ex needed a tune up to quit stalking her. I need my 3 top end girls friday night for the same high roller Armenian business men from a month ago, they dropped $30K last time."

the guy next to me was looking at me with noodles in his chopsticks and his mouth open, just staring at me. I pointed at the I.T. dick guy and winked. He covered his mouth and stifled a laughed.

My wife said "what the hell are you talking about?"

I started again. "What the hell I am talking about is those girls owe me and they will be there or they can go work at some flea ridden club somewhere else and only make five thousand a week."

My wife said "I am hanging up now" click

I noticed I.T. guy quieted down and was listening. The waiter saw me wink at the other guy and there were 2 employees watching and listening from the kitchen door and trying not to bust out laughing.

I needed a closer, so I went big.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?! They work for Benny now? I do not care if Benny gave em a binus they are my girls, you hear me! Oh hell no, you call Benny now and tell him my pal El Pantera will come visit him for a chat if he tries to steal my girls. This business is dog eat dog and I am willing to kill for mine, you hear me? KILL FOR IT. MAKE SURE MY GIRLS ARE THERE OR MAYBE EL PANTERA WILL VISIT YOU TOO. I GOT TO GO!"

I hung up. the guy at the table beside me had tears running out of his eyes and looked like he was about to pop holding in his laugh.

Mr. I.T. was done with his conversation and wanted so bad to turn around but would not. Waiter came over with a huge grin on his face. Asked me if I was ready for the check. I said I don't need it. I handed him a $20 (meal was $12-13) as I go here frequently and they normally give me hot tea and dumplings for free so a $7 tip ain't bad. I said "keep the change man, I will see you next time".

Waiter did not miss a beat "WOW! thank you sir, thank yo,u oh my God thank you." Like I gave him a "C" note

I walked out, guy at the table next to me held out his fist for a dap. Waiters both gave me a thumbs up. I strutted out like legend.

I got to my truck and laughed my ass off and drove away. I love doing stuff like that, my son will play along but not my wife.
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  #2  
Old 09-13-2017, 06:59 AM
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only you

some of the funniest stories I ever read, roflmao
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:14 AM
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Lmao #!##
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  #4  
Old 09-13-2017, 11:22 AM
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WOW!!!!!!!!
100 000$ worth of servers; I guess his power cord broke down
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:35 PM
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You are the quick thinkingest m-er f-er I know...
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:36 PM
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lol I have to have Tequila in me to do stuff like that.
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Old 09-13-2017, 12:53 PM
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Visuals of this coming out of the whites man in the worlds mouth, lol
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:27 PM
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:31 AM
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HAHAHAHA!

I also like it when I get calls from people selling stuff. I try to get an extended warranty on my 1974 buick riviera. they try to politely disengage but I see how long I can keep em on the phone.
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